Breaking and Entering
by DJ-Blowjobs
Summary: Honestly, I don't exactly know. It's character x female reader though.


You sit quietly on your computer, shitposting loudly on funnyjunk. Your parents left to do whatever, not like you cared much anyway. Through sips of cola and the ticking of the keyboard, you hear a heavy crash from outside your room. You get up to peer into whatever that was, only to hear heavy boots thumping the ground and your fridge being flung open. Who the fuck is this person, you think. A burglar? Your parents said they would be back till late. Your heart skips a beat as you hear the familiar sound of the pop of a bottle being opened. Heavy chugging could be heard after, with a soft "blegh" from your kitchen. Panicking very hard, you try and tiptoe backwards, only for your 60 year old wooden floorboards to squeak very loudly. Shit. The footsteps pick up the pace, heading straight for your room.

The footsteps stop just outside your door. What the fuck are you supposed to do? Run? Call the cops? You look around, only to remember the only phones are out in the living room and the kitchen, fuck. Suddenly, your door gets kicked open roughly. Your head spins around to see who's broken into your house. You look only to see a tall man wearing, a pirate costume? His skin is tanned lightly, his hairy chest pokes through his frilly button up shirt. His leather boots make heavy thumps on the ground. His left hand is missing, replaced with a sickly looking hook. He looks down at you and smiles, one of his canines has been plated with gold, and both of them look like they belong more on a vampire more than a human.

"WELL SHIVER MY FUCKIN TIMBERS!" he exclaims. You sit down on your bed, defeated and at the whim of whomever this guy is.

You look him in the eyes, his grin has grown ear to squats in front of you, his long legs easily reaching half of your height. 'And who might you be?' he asks.

You say nothing, not wanting to entice anger towards this man. 'Not much of a talker huh? Well that's fine, but you can call me Foxy The Pirate.' His eyes glint a soft yellow. He reaches up with his hook, softly grazing your cheek. 'Well you're just a fine little lass now aren't jya?'

You blink once, and the next thing you know you're splayed across your bed, with him neatly tucked in between your legs. He's still smiling wildly. "I've sailed a many seas, but this one might be a little different for me" In one swift motion, he uses his hook to rip the front of your shirt wide open, including your bra. Fuck.

In another motion he removes his jacket and shirt, revealing a body of olympian quality. Curly hair and scars mark his chest, while a finely chiseled six pack sets solidly in his gut. His biceps twitch with every movement. A strong scent of booze emits from his body, he's drunk. Very drunk. He reaches down and flays the torn cloth away, revealing two perky breasts. With one hand he envelops one breast, the other he reaches around and lets the bladed part of his hook dig into your neck. Lifting you off the bed slightly, he buries his face into your neck. You quickly grasp his shoulders as you feel his teeth sharply bite into your throat.

He begins to knead your breast like fine dough, his drool beginning to drip and seep down your chest. Using a finger, he gathers some of the seeping saliva and begins to make circles around your nipple. He releases his bite from your throat, and lets you flop back down on the bed.

His eyes travel south. 'Well, well, why don't we see what's behind this locked treasure?' Your knees snap shut, as you understand what he really means. He chuckles softly 'Aye lass, i've sailed every sea on this earth. Yours is just uncharted territory.' You blush hard.

You give your legs some slack and he prys them wide open. All you notice is the tug on your pants and the blur and glint of metal. A sharp rip is heard. He's split your pants in two. He's ruining all your clothes. He smiles even wider, drool already seeping from the corners of his mouth.

He tugs on your pantlegs, cutting what cloth kept the pants in one piece. He pulls what's left off your legs, revealing just a simple pair of panties. Barely containing his own excitement, he cuts the simple cloth with his hook, and tears what's left roughly away. Your pink lips are exposed, and a mix between a growl and chuckle can be heard emitting from his lips. He stares you directly in the eyes as he opens his mouth to seemingly inhuman size. He begins to lower his head, but you blush hard and snap your knees back, except this time into the side of his head. 'Ow' he says simply.

He uses his one good hand and wrestles your knees behind his head, giving him a full frontal view. He opens his mouth and lets his rather long tongue pap softly against your entrance. He hooks his tongue and drags it up, letting it flick very hard against your clit. You gasp, and that just seems to please him more. His face twists into an open smile, and he digs his tongue as deep he could. Twisting and flicking his tongue inside, he ensures that no fold is left untouched. You squeeze your legs and grasp his hair, his teeth beginning to dig in

Sick slopping and slicking noises can be heard from the depths. His tongue is going ballistic, digging into whatever it comes into contact with. He stops and shakes his head, breaking the death grip you had on his hair. He looks back at you and smiles again, his gold tooth glinting the ceiling light. He stands, leaving you bewildered and in bliss. He walks away into a corner, and unbuckling and unbuttoning can be heard. In one motion he swipes his belt from his pants. His hook moves in front of him, and snipping can be heard. He peeks over his shoulder, only to see you looking on with a mix of curiosity and drunken bliss. He laughs softly.

"Seaweeds are a problem for any boat lass." He goes back to snipping whatever. A few moments pass and he blows downward and dusts off, his crotch?

You can't tell from this angle. He turns and kicks off his boots grinning the whole time. Through your drunken stupor you notice he's holding his pants up with his hook. He stands next to your bed looking at you. Suddenly, he unhooks his pants letting them drop to the floor. Your eyes go wide. He wasn't wearing underwear. He stood at full mast, and all you could do was stare. You look back up to see he was gnawing on his lip, with the other side grinning. He reaches down and grabs you by the hair, pulling your face towards his member. Within seconds he stands with his dick staring you in the face. It looked a lot bigger up close.

You take a big swallow, and look up, unsure. Foxy's eyes meet with yours, he smiles again. "First time at the wheel? Here's a tip, say aahh." You open your mouth to follow his command, only for him to yank your hair towards him. His cock slides in without effort, reaching the back of your throat. He growls with great malice, holding your head as close to his body as he can. "THERE WE GO LASS, TAKE IT TO THE HILT." he roars.

You gag, he releases his rough grip. You pull back, strands of saliva bridging the gap between his member and your mouth. You cough and look back up, his body glistens with sweat and he's breathing heavily. He pushes you back, 'Turn over.' he commands. You obey, already in a state of stupid. He leans over and gives your entrance one final lick, and he positions himself in between your legs. Befor you could protest, he thrusts himself as deep as he could go. You shoot up, reaching back and grabbing whatever you could in shock. You gasp and blush hard, something that big that sudden didn't feel to good. He wraps his hooked arm around your waist, holding on tightly. You shift and squirm, but soon the pain subsides. Foxy releases his arm, allowing you fall face first.

"Well, that wasn't so bad now was it?" Legs shaking, you reach up to stop his advances. But instead, he pulls all the way out, only to dive right back in. The sudden rentry sends you over the edge, you grip your bed sheets and grit your teeth

He pulls back out and slams the goods back home. Your legs quiver and shake. He pauses for a moment, before reaching forward and grabbing an arm with his good hand. You see his hook flash in front of your face. "Lass? These seas might get a little rough, you might wanna hold on." You reluctantly grab his hook, thinking it might be bladed. Nope, just really pointy.

He pulls your arms back and yanks with great force, allowing himself even deeper inside. You peak over your shoulder and give him a mean look, he stares you dead in the eyes with a smile, pulling his hips back slightly before thrusting forward. His balls collide with your clit, sending you into a new sensation of bliss. Your neck goes limp, and your thoughts become nothing but static. He pulls back out, only this time yanking your arms while he pushes forward. You let out a yelp, he begins to laugh. He starts to pickup his pace, using your arms as leverage, his laughing subsiding into more throaty grunts. With every thrust, spatters of his sweat sprinkle everywhere, leaving a musk of sweat and sex in the room. He pulls you in close, letting your arms free of his grasp. His hooked hand wraps around your waist again, his other reaching under your arms to grasp your throat, pulling you down as hard as he could. His face mere inches from your own, his breath blowing past yours feels like a hurricane.

Sweat drips from every inch of your bodies, dripping onto your bed sheet. You grip his wrists hard, unsure of the pleasure your body screams about. Suddenly, you cum hard, the clear liquid spattering his member. Shocks like lightning erupt from your folds, your legs quiver even harder this time. The bridge of your nose gets fuzzy, as your breaths become sharp and shallow. This sends him into a whirl of fuck, he releases a loud mean growl. He goes ballistic, hips thrusting on there own at this point. He gives one final monster thrust, and a thick heat is felt from the depths below. His hisses through clenched teeth, as he holds you close, with a death grip on your throat.

 _Habloobleeblahbloblapbloop_ your brain says. He holds you like this for a moment, rocking softly. Foxy releases his grip and pulls his arms away, letting you fall face first into you pillows. A sick pop is heard, as well as his soft chuckle. Your eyes fight to stay open, but the exhaustion takes its hold and you fall asleep with the last thing you hear is his laughter.

You awake a few hours later, dazed, with funnyjunk beckoning you back to its various forums. You notice you're back in underwear. Did that happen? Was that a dream? You rack your brain with questions, until you notice the very out of place plumed pirate hat. A note sits in the brim. You pick up the note and unfold it, written in beautiful cursive, it reads;

YAR HAR FIDDLE DI DEE

BEING A PIRATE IS ALRIGHT WITH ME

DO WHATCHU WANT CUZ A PIRATE LIVES FREE

YOU ARE A PIRATE

-Foxy


End file.
